Still Getting There

10:07:00 AM

There was a point in my life where all I did was craft and work on making my business stronger and better. I was a full time artisan. Some weeks it was tough, living off a craft is certainly not what you do to be paid well. I tried my best but sometimes (most of the time)came up short. I was devoted. But suddenly I found myself getting tired all of the time. Sleeping more during the day, doing anything was becoming difficult. In October of 2010 the craft life stopped for me completely. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

It completely knocked me back. I was moving along in life. I liked what I was doing and where I was going. This is me literally one month before I was diagnosed.
This is when I was living in a teensy apartment with three other people and working on my wedding favor paper goods business. It was physically taxing but I loved it and was getting somewhere.

Suddenly I am in the ER, I'm in pain, I'm nervous. They didn't know what was wrong with me. Two hours later I am quarrentined and being admitted. No one tells me what's wrong. A transfer to Yale and 24 hours later, a doctor explains to me that I have lung, breast and uterus cancer. What? Chemotherapy? I am drugged and spend my birthday in the hospital. My friends and family try to cope with me. My only joy is the cake of Scott Pilgrim that my awesome friend Sara at You've Been Cupcaked made.

So I do chemo. I lose my hair in 1 week. Here is me at my worst, before my eye brows fell out, then everything fell out.

I gave everything up when I heard the C word. My business, my life, my independence. My father took me to keep me in constant care. I had a nurse visit twice a week. My memory was shot. Talk about tough times! My only hope, the only thing that stopped me from crying at night was making little things. I would get up and knit for as long as I could. My kid sister modeled for me and became my crafty cheerleader. She always wanted me up and doing projects. That's how she knew I was feeling ok.

My friend Jenny strongly believes that art saves. And she is right. I yearned for a business again. To craft regularly. It was my motivation to stop feeling sorry and self loathed. Shut up and craft! Werk! And in the immortal words of RuPaul - how the hell you gonna love anybody else if you can't love yourself. My jewelry making today gives me that.
I guess this is my real story. The truth behind what I do and how it saves me from giving up. I'm not the best, never will be. But i will rival anyone on strength and passion!
Enough said.

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